I’m writing this while sitting in a hotel room wondering how I got here. This time last night I was sitting in my living room with my husband crocheting a blanket for my granddaughter. Tonight I’m homeless and alone.
Without getting into the details, I have been accused of cheating on my husband – not just once, but multiple times. He has always had a problem with insecurity, which I believe stemmed from his experience with his first wife who did cheat on him, and indirectly, from what he saw his mother doing when his father wasn’t around. Over the years I have encountered that insecurity over and over. But I fought for my marriage, loving my husband (who is not a Christian), each time hoping and praying that we had finally overcome the jealousy, possessiveness, and insecurity.
How wrong I was.
It’s been a horrible, horrible year. I spent the first half of it running the front desk of the busy medical clinic where I work all on my own, not to mention doing the job of another girl who had quit last year. Stressful, to say the least until we finally got a couple more people hired. On top of that, my dad was hospitalized in the Spring with kidney stones and a bad infection. Then, this summer he had open heart surgery to replace a valve and have a bypass done. After the surgery he had a stroke and was in the hospital for two months. My mom was with us those two months and then she and dad stayed with us another two months as he recuperated. Oh, and our dog got ran over in the driveway by my sister. I think it was worse for her than us because she’s a big dog person.
Two weeks ago I was hospitalized with a severe asthma attack brought on by bronchitis. My left lower lobe of my lung collapsed and I had to have a bronchoscopy – a ten minute procedure to clean out my lungs that took an hour because they were so caked with gunk. No cancer, thank God.
I’ve only been home a week.
I don’t even know what to say. I am at peace, though. Jesus has been faithful to me. I’m not alone. He’s with me no matter what happens. I would appreciate prayers, though.
The mindset of these people is astounding. They do not value life, not even that of their own children. Please watch. This woman, these people, need Jesus.
Thursday last week I was admitted to the hospital for 5 days due to an extreme asthma attack brought on by bronchitis. A CT scan was done and it was determined that the lower lobe of my left lung had partially collapsed. I had a bronchoscopy done on Sunday afternoon – a procedure that normally takes ten minutes ended up taking an hour. What it entailed was sticking a scope into my lungs and suctioning out mucus from around the aveoli, the grape-like cluster in your lungs that oxygen transfers through into your blood. The doctor had to go in seven times to clean out my lungs. Amazing how much easier it was to breathe afterward.
It was a scary few days, but apparently more so for my husband than me. He was awesome, staying by my side through it all. He told me that he didn’t want anything to happen to me because I’m the glue that holds the family together.
I got to thinking about what he said and how I consider my own mother to be the glue who keeps all our family together. I discovered something. It’s not each of as individuals who are the “glue,” it’s the Holy Spirit in us who is the glue holding us together. In my mom, and in me. People seem to depend on us, family members specifically, to keep things running smoothly, to be there for them, to take care of them. Yes, I could do it on my own, but without the Holy Spirit guiding me it would be much more difficult. He gives us grace, patience, knowledge and wisdom, as well as love and understanding, to do what needs to be done. I couldn’t function without his presence in my life, and am so glad that I don’t have to.
I thank God for being with me this past week and a half. I thought it might be my time to go, but obviously it wasn’t as I am still here. I have work to do, and am looking forward to what he has in store for me.
Jesus is coming soon. How reassuring and comforting are those words in the midst of the chaos and evil that envelopes this world. Jesus is the only one we can rely on. He’s the only one who can save. He’s the fourth person in the fiery furnace. He’s my rock and my strong tower. He knows what lies ahead. Nothing is unknown to Him and nothing is out of His control. I’m leaning on the promises of God.
Jesus is coming soon.